I believe that the biggest end-time battle is actually fought on the soil of SELF. It’s a war between the Holy Three in One (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) and the Unholy Threesome of me, myself and I. I say this, because the LORD led me to read the Satanic Bible while doing research for a book that was to be written in total obedience to Him. What truly amazed me was that it was like a self-help book. The doctrine promoted within “The Satanic Bible” is self-indulgence, self-satisfaction, self-gratification, and self-rule. Without going into any more detail, the father of modern Satanism proclaimed: “In this new age, the only moral commandment will be, ‘Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.” The Satanic Kingdom can be equated to the Kingdom of Self. What many people don’t realize is that Babylon is focused on SELF as well: “The Babylonians, that ruthless and impetuous people, who sweep across the earth… They are a law to themselves… whose strength is their god” (Hab 1:6,7,11).
Just keep in mind that the Hebrew pictograph (or Word Picture) for the word “pride” tells us that pride is to lift up yourself in your own strength, while the Hebrew Word Picture for “humility” shows us that humility comes when you destroy your wall of self-protection. Please note that SELF is the key ingredient that determines whether one is full of pride or humility.
As we tore down my wall of self-protection through me staying humble and teachable, He taught me more and more of His glorious irresistible love. I remember crossing the street one day, when it hit me. I told Him with a forlorn tone, “I don’t even know how to love.” His response: “What a good place to start. Finally… we can begin.”
We worked and worked and worked together in a labor of love. Then one day He came to me. He told me that I had done a good job working to destroy my wall of self-protection by trying to stay open and running to Him for shelter in life’s storm; then He placed a thorn in my heart, and told me that this is what I needed for the wall of self-protection in me to be completely destroyed. That was in 2002.
I had forgotten about the thorn that Love had placed in my heart until January of 2012.
I’d prefer to sum up the situation in a few lines, but I must yield to revealing a greater amount of detail because this is what He desires. Let me just preface that we can and should work at destroying our walls of self-protection (as unto the LORD), but our final deliverance comes through a crucifixion process.
The LORD had led me to be in silent servant mode for several years in the congregation that my family attended for 15 years. Prior to being released to go to a Sunday Night Prophetic Prayer Gathering, My Love told me that when I step out in my apostolic-prophetic-teaching anointing again that I was going to get hit. So… I was on high alert. There was an open mic that night, but knowing that something was probably coming I okayed what I was getting from the LORD with the lead pastor before I stepped out. He assured me that it was an open mic led by the Spirit, so I led a prayer for a friend who had just lost his father. I thought: “Okay. That wasn’t so bad.” Then the lead pastor got up and started sharing what God gave him. I got a sinking feeling, because what the LORD gave me in the car ride over there perfectly dovetailed with what he was sharing. I recognized the Holy Spirit’s scarlet cord. So… I sauntered over to a good mature friend, and told her my dilemma. She assured me that if God gave it to me then just obey. So… I swallowed hard. Pulled up my breeches to rein in any fear and released da LOVE.
My piece was very simple and small. I told all present that night that we can all experience God. We can all see, hear, and perceive what the Spirit of the Lord is saying, according to the gifts deposited in each one of us. All we need to do is get in right alignment. By our will, we all can choose to have our bodies submit to our souls, our souls submit to our spirits, and our spirits submit to the Holy Spirit. I was also led to say that our spirit intersects with our soul at our will. That’s why not my will, but Thine be done is such a powerful kingdom concept. So let’s do this, so Thy Kingdom come! Thy will be done!
I finished my little part, and was relieved that I was still in one piece. I thought maybe I had heard the LORD wrong, until I went to the back of the room. After I hugged a girlfriend, and told her how much Jesus loved her, I stepped back to enter into a prayerful stance when I noticed that there was a shadow to the left of me, so I stepped to my right to avoid it. As I did, I felt my left arm being grabbed real hard and then I was being shook around like a rag doll. After the other pastor shook me, he raged at me and told me that he didn’t want me ministering to anyone. I was so calm inside, as I stared in amazement at a Jezebel Spirit that was manifesting right in front of my eyes. I remember being more concerned with the spiritual than the natural at the time. As I told him, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve okayed what I was doing with the lead pastor,” he stormed away, as I sunk into the back wall, stunned, to say the least. When both pastors came to get me, I was still checking in with the LORD trying to understand what was going on. When the lead pastor pointed at me and said, “I will have no division in my church. You two work it out.” I thought something like: “Great… I’m being thrown into the lion’s den.”
I went with the pastor who just abused me into the foyer. The first thing he said was “I am the door you must come through me.” I just stared that man down. Incensed that He would defame My Love’s Word like that and use it as an excuse to abuse someone, especially when there were so many young people in the church. When I didn’t budge and didn’t appear to be afraid, the pastor came to himself for a moment and said, “I mean Jesus is the door.” Then he flipped backed to being controlled by Jezzy and proclaimed, “But you must come through me.”
I had been previously taught by Love that when someone inserts themselves into your life for evil or destruction, you have the right in the Spirit to insert yourself in their life to bring about their redemption. It’s a glorious way to overcome evil with good. So… that is what I was led to do that entire night at church.
Long story, short, I tossed and turned all night. Love keep on telling me to run into Him, and to stay open to Him. It took all my will to do so, because I literally wanted to run inside myself and hide. About 3:00 PM the next afternoon I finally couldn’t take it any longer, and I cried out from the depths of my being: “Lord!!! I can’t take this any longer! Please!!! Help me!” Immediately, a searing bright laser light descended from heaven and burned a layer off me. I just knew that my final layer of self-protection was gone; then I remembered the thorn that Yeshua had placed in my heart. In hindsight, I knew that the thorn eventually attracted a crucifixion experience, but I also felt the reverential fear of the Lord with the message of “woe” to the man through whom it would come. This experience could have actually delivered him too, but I discovered in this experience that by the time an authority figure abuses another person publicly they are pretty far gone. Repentance and redemption were available and I was praying my heart out, but he was too busy trying to keep me in line and keep their own kingdom intact to look at their own heart and actions. Please note: Our message to others means nothing if we don’t love others first and foremost.
There was a time in my life that I needed self-protection in hurtful and abusive situations. It’s actually a way God has designed all of us to survive when we don’t know what else to do. But now I choose LOVE. I choose humility. I choose to be teachable. I choose my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer, My God in whom I can trust.
“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Cor 13:11 NKJV).
All Kingdom Hearts who are growing into the image of His mature Body will grow beyond the darkness of the Kingdom of Self. If one looks in the dictionary, there are over 100 words with the word SELF in front of them. Each one can be thought of as steps up a Babylonian ziggurat (pyramid) to exult SELF. Self-protection is just one of these steps, but… oh… what a stumbling stone.
The first verse I memorized at Big Sky Bible Camp after I was saved at 7-years-old was John 3:16. The second verse was Job 23:10: “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” Keep on pressing onward & upward to the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus, Dear Heart. You shall come forth as gold!
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